Moving Forward
by MidnightIndigo
Summary: One step forward, two steps back.  They come just within reach and are once again pushed apart by the world around them, but this time that's enough.  *FINALE DISREGARDED*


**A/N: I don't know if you'll believe this since I'm posting it now, but I wrote this the week before the season finale and finally got the chance to type it up and post it. I hope you enjoy it, I guess? I'm personally convinced I'm just the tiniest bit psychic. xD It's long, which I'm quite happy about. I also think it may be a little out of character, but hopefully it's not too bad.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

"Beckett," Esposito called, on the phone with tech, "we got an address."

"Good," she nodded grimly, reaching to grab her purse and phone, having left her jacket in the car. It was only the middle of May, but it was already shaping up to be as hot a summer on the East Coast as the last. Castle was right behind her.

"Detectives, I'm coming with you."

They turned to see the Captain emerging from his office, slipping his gun into it's holster on his hip.

"Sir?" Beckett frowned.

"Let's go," he said, and they knew they weren't getting an explanation. They kept moving.

They drove through an alley to reach the back of a large building. The pavement was coated in a layer of dirt, which their suspects had tracked onto the fire escape. The boys and the chief had taken the front, so Castle and Beckett took the rusted metal stairs.

"Is this sanitary?" Castle wondered.

"Shh," Beckett hissed, effectively shutting him up.

She tried the door but found it locked. She stepped back to kick it open, but Castle whispered, "Detective..."

He had a window open. She nodded and both of them slipped inside.

Though it was only mid afternoon, the only light in the place was through the open window. The glass itself was blacked out, and when they slid the door shut they were plunged into darkness.

"Come on," Beckett muttered. "Hand on my shoulder, but drop at the first sign of gunfire." His eyes were still adjusting but he heard the safety being removed from her pistol. He held tightly onto her shoulder as they moved farther into the room.

They heard shouts across a large area, and on the other side of the building a light was turned on. They saw Ryan and Esposito chase after several men, saw the silhouettes of stacked boxes all across the... Castle couldn't really call it a room, since he had a feeling both his and Beckett's apartments would fit inside with room to spare. The Captain must've caught sight of them, entering after the detectives, because he waved to them. Beckett immediately started to sprint, and Castle was forced to let go of her in order to follow, weaving through the stacks.

The lights flickered on in the rest of the area. The whole place seemed to be used for storage, but what was in the boxes was anybody's guess. Curious, Castle stopped to open one; it was filled with packing peanuts. He plunged his hand in and felt something smooth and cold. Bullets whizzed over his head. Beckett shouted, "Castle!" from behind him as he turned and ducked, meanwhile grabbing whatever it was, pulling it out and throwing it towards the shooter at the end of the row. The glass vase shattered on the hard floor.

"Castle!" Beckett repeated, now exasperated.

"What?" he asked innocently, starting to get up.

"Get down!" she yelled, and shot over his head. He dropped and army crawled towards her quickly. She pulled him up, the man meanwhile lying in the ground clutching his bloody thigh. They ran towards the others, following the sound of shooting.

"Hurry!" she snapped, running faster. Castle felt that under normal circumstances he shouldn't be expected to run so fast, but this wasn't normal circumstances and he managed to keep pace with the help of his current adrenaline rush.

They ran straight into the fight, ducking every time a shot rang out. Glass and packing peanuts were strewn across the aisles, making it difficult to move. Ryan shot one of the guy's gun hand and the gun skidded at Castle's feet; before he could grab it Beckett picked it up and slid it into her holster.

"The less guns in this fight the better," she said breathlessly. She shot over his shoulder and continued, "Stay down and don't get shot!" She punctuated the command with another bullet.

"Got it," he said quickly, then obeyed as she chased the last man who wasn't covered. Just as Montgomery passed, the man she was following turned to shoot. Both she and the captain moved; she flinched back, and he threw himself in front of her. He dropped to the ground and Beckett shot the guy, who also fell. She let her weapon folk and knelt beside Montgomery. Red blossomed on his chest and her heart leapt into her throat.

"Captain," she breathed, pressing her hands to the wound to stop the blood, "Roy..."

"No," he snapped, somehow still coherent. "Get out now..." His voice was starting to fade.

"No, I'm not leaving you-"

"No! Get out of here, let Ryan and Esposito get them-" he coughed blood as Castle ran up, bent double. "Castle, get her out of here, now!"

"Captain!" she argued.

"Get out of here, Kate! You get out, that's an order! You get out and you find the source of all of this. Get them..."

Castle watched in horror as the Captain faded, but he pulled Beckett off of the dying man and dragged her toward the door. She fought him, screaming, but he held onto her waist and managed to pull her into the hallway. The sounds of Ryan and Esposito still fighting were gone, all she could hear was buzzing and slamming doors and her vision was blurred and slow and choppy, like an old television with a bad signal. When they reached the stairwell she collapsed against her partner and started to sob. He picked her up and carried her down the stairs, fumbling with his phone to call for backup and an ambulance and to report an officer dead. He took her keys and buckled her into the passenger seat of her car. She seemed to be in some sort of delirium as he drove back to the station, where the people who were still there helped lay her on the couch in the breakroom, the adrenaline rush having completely left him. She'd fallen asleep in the car and now slept fitfully, shifting often. He sat down at her feet and let the exhaustion take him as well.

"The Captain's dead."

"I know, I watched him die." Heard her voice crack.

"We have to call his wife."

"I can't do it."

"Ryan?"

"You go."

Heard Esposito exhale. "Fine." Footsteps in the opposite direction.

Castle blinked and looked around. Ryan and Beckett stood in the doorway. Beckett leaned against the doorpost and held her head in her hands. "God, I _watched him die_, he took that bullet for me-"

"It wasn't your fault, if that's what you're thinking," Ryan said. "He knew what he was doing when he came with us. I swear that man had some sixth sense, always knew when one of us was going to be in danger." He looked around, then back at her. "Look, I have to go deal with paperwork and everything. I think Judge Markoway and the Mayor are probably gonna be in here, and you've got seniority right now, so…"

She started. "She hadn't realized that she was in charge, if only temporarily. "Right. I'll be out in a seond."

She turned, planning to collapse again on the couch, only to find Castle holding two cups of coffee. He offered her one and she took it with a small smile that was purely instinctual. "Thanks, Castle."

"You okay?"

"Not really," she shrugged. He hugged her in response and let her lean into him, trying to take the weight of the world from her shoulders.

"Ready?" he asked as she pulled away after several minutes. She wiped her eyes and looked at him.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Sorry," she said, glancing at where she'd buried her fact in his jacket. "I got your coat wet."

"It's fine," he replied, meaning it. "Shall we, then?"

She walked back into the bullpen and sat down in her chair. Right behind her, he leaned on the front of the desk rather than taking his normal seat, acting almost like a bodyguard, making sure no one else could get to her. She didn't miss the movement.

Neither, it seemed, did the guys. Esposito approached slowly, looked at Beckett, then at Castle, and back to Beckett. When he spoke, his words were directed at Castle. "Hey, can I-"

"Yeah," Beckett said. "What's up?"

"Captain's wife is on her way. Are you talking to them…here?"

"Where else would I?"

Ryan approached. "Well, we wondered whether, under the circumstances, you would-"

"I'm not the Captain. Just because the Captain is gone doesn't mean I get promoted. I'm still a detective, a senior detective, in fact, and your boss, so get back to work."

She pretended to check her emails as they glanced at each other then hurried off. Through their conversation Castle's expression hadn't changed, and he'd followed them with his eyes as they walked away. Once they'd disappeared, Castle twisted around. "Who becomes Captain, then?" he frowned.

"It sure as hell won't be me," she muttered.

"Why not? Are you not qualified or-"

"I'm perfectly qualified, but I don't want to be Captain. I'm fine where I am. I don't know how they'll pick, or who they'll pick, I'm the only one high enough in the precinct to take the job."

"Because I was thinking: every time an outsider comes in, they want to kick me off the case. Jordan didn't like me initially-"

"Jordan? I didn't know you two were on first name basis."

"Yeah, we keep in touch, plus I needed help with some details about the Feds. Anyway, Fallon tried to kick me out too-"

"Fallon kicked us both out-"

"Your Fed boyfriend wanted me gone too."

"Ex-boyfriend. The Feds don't like you, do they?"

"And who kept me on?"

"Me and the Captain-" She paused. "I'm sure whoever takes over will let you stay. And it was the Mayor who let you in to begin with, anyways. And if they try to get rid of you, I'll stop them."

He smiled gratefully. The elevator dinged and slid open. Beckett looked up quickly; it was the Mayor and Markoway. Beckett exhaled, relieved. Saved for now. "I don't want to talk to his family. Not yet."

"Don't worry. I'll be right there with you."

Now it was her turn to smile and she rose to meet the Mayor and the judge.

"Detective, I know this seems insensitive but we need to get this out of the way as soon as possible," the Mayor said, once they'd exchanged condolences. "We now need a new Captain."

"I don't want it," she said quickly. "I'm much better off as a homicide detective."

He nodded. "It's your choice whether you want the promotion or not, of course."

"I'll handle the precinct until you can straighten things out, though," she added.

"That would be appreciated."

"But, sir…" she hesitated, glancing at the table, "I'd like to request that no matter what, Castle won't be forced to leave."

"With all the help he's given the task force over the past few years? I will personally make sure the replacement knows the situation."

"Thank you, sir."

They all shook hands and the men left. Beckett met Castle by her desk. "Is she here yet?"

"Nope."

"She should be here soon." She hugged herself tightly. "You're safe, by the way. The mayor says he'll handle it."

"Great."

Once again the elevator opened to admit Montgomery's wife and two daughters.

"Ryan?" she called, watching a uniform direct them to the empty office she'd just vacated. "Can you take Rebecca and Mary? I'd like to talk to Evelyn before I talk to them."

He nodded. "'Course." He and Esposito went to bring the kids to get some food in the break room.

"Come on, Castle," she said. "Time to go."

"Are…are you sure you want me in there? I won't ruin your pathos thing, will I?" he asked, suddenly uncertain.

"It's not a thing, Castle," she replied, "and I'm sure. I need you with me."

He nodded and followed her into the room.

An hour later they were both back at her desk, exhausted and emotionally drained. "I'm gonna take off, get some sleep," he announced, though it was only about four in the afternoon. "Unless you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine, I was actually ready to head out too," she rubbed her hand tiredly over her face. Castle wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her tightly and take away the pain and tell her everything was okay. But he couldn't, because it wasn't, and he didn't have a clue when it would be again.

She grabbed her various belongings and headed to the elevator, Castle following closely behind. The doors closed, and the sound of it moving was the only thing they could hear.

She said, "What happens now?"

Out of view of everyone else, hidden, her voice was small.

"Referring to what?"

"Referring to everything." She hit the stop button and started to pace lightly. "This month, it's just sucked. Josh and I broke ujp, then Royce was murdered, now _this_, and none of it means anything. All of it—it shouldn't've happened. There was no reason."

Castle shook his head. He leaned against the back wall, letting her pace. "There's got to be a reason. There's always a reason. Always a silver lining." She looked at him, biting her lip. "I'm good for that, optimism. Good for optimism and worst-case scenarios. That's the writer in me."

"How about all the incredibly lame puns?"

"Everything has a reason, trust me. It's just the way of the world."

She stopped in front of him, her arms folded. "Castle, just stop talking, please."

He obeyed for a moment before he kept going, "Kate, you just-"

"Castle!" she hissed. "Stop talking, just stop!" She was breathing hard. She turned to keep pacing, paused, then turned back. "It's only been a couple of years since you started shadowing me, but it feels like so much longer. And you know what people have asked the entire time you've been around?"

"What?" he asked, hoping that didn't violate the 'no talking' rule.

"Everyone seems to want to know when we're going to be together. Not even it. _When._"

"Okay…" Castle said, shocked at the abrupt change in the conversation. Even as a writer he definitely hadn't seen this coming.

"You know there was a pool on us? Lanie said she lost money because we weren't together last year."

Castle wisely kept his mouth shut; he'd secretly started that pool, when he had first started, before he'd gotten to know her and found out what she meant to him.

"So what are you saying?"

He knew exactly what she was saying, and she knew it. Both of them had been dancing around the topic for months and neither wanted to bring up the one thing that had the ability to make or break them. One magic word, and up until now they had both been too scared to say it.

"Look, do you really want to talk about this right now?" Castle asked anxiously, reaching for the button to keep the elevator moving, but she grabbed his wrist.

"No, we are going to talk about this now. That bullet should've been me, and it is only because of Captain Roy Montgomery that I am standing here with you in this elevator." She snapped her fingers; his eyes had glazed slightly and she'd thought he'd stopped listening. "Do you hear me? I should be dead."

"No, you shouldn't!" Castle snapped, returning to reality. "Two weeks ago you asked me what I would do if you were the one lying there, and that image did not do anything good to my sleep pattern, so _do not tell me _that you should be dead."

"Castle…" She took a deep breath. "I just…I don't know what to do."

"Well…" he hesitated. "I can't take credit for this, but a very smart old actress once told me, 'You is who you is, and if you ain't who you is, then who is you?'" He grinned half-heartedly.

"What does that even mean?" she asked.

"You know what's best for you. You're smart and independent. That's why you're able to walk into crime scenes every day. You are the strongest person I know. So whatever you decide to do…"

"That was the most trite speech I've ever heard," she smiled weakly.

"I meant it. And do you feel better now? Know what to do?"

She shrugged. "No. But I guess I have to choose something, right?"

"Right-"

He was cut off as she turned to him and pulled him down with a hand behind his neck and kissed him, slowly and gently at first, then building up steadily to something more passionate. When she finally let go, Castle was gasping for breath.

"Well, that was," he swallowed, "unexpected."

"See, that's the problem," she said matter-of-factly, as though she was the objective observer of an experiment. "It's unexpected to me too, but everyone else seems to be expecting it. That letter that Royce had, the one addressed to me, he told me not to have to look back on my life and wonder what could've been. And because of _everyone else we seem to interact with_, I will _always_ wonder about us."

"So is there an us?"

"Maybe, I don't know." She shook her head. "God, I haven't kissed anybody like that since…" She trailed off, frowning. "Since January. Since you."

"Wow," he said weakly. His heart was still pounding. "I guess I'm just lucky."

"Which is weird, because Ryan's the Irish one." She stared at him for a moment, and he stared back. Then she pulled him down to her again, and they kept kissing. He pushed her back against the wall of the elevator. They both felt her phone buzz in her pocket. "Just ignore it," she said quickly, without opening her eyes or indeed lifting her lips from his. But it kept vibrating insistently.

She let it go to voicemail, but then it rang again and she pulled away, pulling it out of her pocket with one hand while keeping hold on his shirt with the other. "What?" she snapped in annoyance, though it was slightly ruined by the fact that she was gasping for air. Castle was taking huge gaping breaths and watching her, not moving.

"Beckett? What are you-"

She heard Esposito yell, "Never mind what she's doing!"

"Right, where are you?" he asked urgently.

"I'm in—erm-" She caught herself quickly, then continued, wincing. "I'm in the elevator, why?"

"You're-" he stopped. "You're in the elevator?" he asked in confusion.

She bit her lip, making Castle want to kiss her again, but he restrained himself. Even Esposito was heard, "She's in the elevator?"

"With…Castle?"

"Um…yes."

"Okay, well, you, um," he must've shook it off because the urgency returned to his voice. "You need to get out of the building and get off the radar, _now_. There are guys looking for you, they're climbing the stairs, they shot the door man and they probably want to get rid of you now because you're coming so close."

Her heart sped up, and it had nothing to do with the fact that Castle was leaning towards her in concern in response to the horrified look in her eyes. "Kate? What's wrong?"

"What are you-"

"Kate!" Ryan yelled into the phone, and she could hear people suddenly panicking and the sound of gunfire. "Get out of the city!" The line went dead, and Beckett stared at in shock.

"We need to go, we need to leave, quickly." She pushed him off of her and hit the down button. A moment it stopped at robbery, and she swore as the doors opened.

"Kate, what-" Tom Demmings said in confusion. He must've caught her panicked look.

"Tom!" she said, and pulled him in.

"What's going on?" he asked as the doors closed.

"There's a shooter, at least one, in homicide, and they're after me," she said quickly. "I don't know what's going on, but Ryan told me to get out of here."

The elevator opened onto the bottom floor and Beckett began to sneak out into the entrance to reach her car, parked on the street.

"Kate, want me to hold the elevator between floors so they have to take the stairs?" Demmings called.

She turned back to hug him tightly. "Thank you," she said, then pulled back to look at him. "Bye, Tom."

"Bye, Kate, good luck."

Beckett pulled Castle out the door and to her car. "Drive, please," she snapped, shoving her keys at him. He stared at her in disbelief before she brandished them in front of his eyes. "Castle!"

He took the keys and they got in the car. He drove onto the street while she stared out the window. Her vision could've chopped the parking meters and parked cars in half as they passed, and her lips were pursed. "I can't believe I'm running."

"You would be dead if you went in there," he reasoned.

"They're all going to die!" she hissed. "I should be _saving them!_"

"What did I say about saying you should be dead?"

"Castle, just let me rant! I know I shouldn't be dead, I know Ryan told me to run, I know that there is no other alternative right now, but being unreasonable is a lot easier so let me be unreasonable."

"Fine, where are we going?"

"My place—I'm listening to Ryan and getting out of the city for a while. I need to get some things."

"I'm coming with you."

She looked at him sharply. "No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not! Castle, you have a family, a job, a home, no psychos after you, you're not leaving!" she snapped.

"Alexis is moving out next year, my mother can live without me, and my home will still be there when I get back."

"That still leaves crazy gunmen."

He looked at her seriously. "I'm your partner. I'm not letting you go on your own."

She growled. "You cannot come with me. You're too recognizable, they'll be able to track us. I have to do this alone." They pulled up to her building and she tried to get out, but he locked the door. "Castle…"

"I just got you, Kate," he reminded her. "I'm not letting you go."

"Richard Castle," she snarled. He was relentless, so she leaned over to kiss him. She wanted to cup his face in her hands and tell him everything was going to be fine, but she was too on guard to do that wasn't _her _and she couldn't bring herself to do it. Besides, like him, she didn't know if she could promise that.

As it was, the kiss was long and sweet, but at the same time too short and hungry. She put everything into it that she knew she'd never have to say right now. A promise for another day. As they kissed, one of her hands tangled into his hair, the other worming its way behind her, she was able to unlock and open the door while he was distracted.

He made a face as she climbed out. "Trickster."

"Come on," she said. "I need your help."

He followed her upstairs. "Here, wait here," she told him, then disappeared into her bedroom. He sat down on the couch, tapping his foot on the rug, his fingers on his knee. Minutes passed. She'd said fifteen. After that, he stood and knocked on the door.

"Kate?" he called.

No answer.

He frowned, his heart speeding up. He pounded harder. "Kate!" he yelled. He yanked open the door to a missing bag, an open window over a fire escape, and a piece of paper that read, "_I'll be back._" Her car was still on the curb, but Katherine Beckett was gone.

A block away, Beckett watched him stick his head out the window. She turned away to hand the street vender a twenty for a hat and sunglasses, a trick she'd learned from a rather clever actress. She'd already changed her clothes and shoes, and she tucked her hair into the cap quickly (once she was out of the city she would be able to figure out where she could go to cut it), slinging her messenger bag containing everything she need over her shoulder. She didn't look back again but began walking in the direction of Grand Central, the opposite direction of the Twelfth, her home, her partner, and everything else she loved and cared about. But it was for them that she was walked away.

She'd left her phone in the apartment intentionally, so she picked up a cheap prepaid one outside of a drug store. It was nothing on hers, but the quality didn't matter. This couldn't be traced if she paid in cash.

At the station she activated it and entered a few contacts she might need, people in various cities who worked various jobs who could help her if she needed it. Famous novelists weren't the only ones with connections, after all. After a slight pause of hesitation, she entered Rick Castle and saved it. Only in supreme desperation would she use it.

She heard the speaker call, "Manhattan to Annapolis arriving now on platform four," and she stood to wait. As she boarded and the train pulled out of the city, she watched out the window, unable to wrench herself away.

The sound of a phone startled her, used to her own ringtones as she was. She checked the message from her first go-to person in satisfaction. To Washington D.C. then. _Time to go._

**A/N: There you go! This was my finale prediction that I never actually posted. I hope you enjoyed it. And let me know what you thought! :D**

**-Indy**


End file.
